Today I finished the harp piece. I think it is a very strong three minutes of music, but I can’t say that I feel the sense of accomplishment that I had hoped for.
I knew before taking on this project that it would be extremely trying. For someone who likes to take his time, to think, to revise over and over again, writing four pieces in a month and a half—while also building a site and documenting everything—was nothing short of impossible. But, I did and still do believe in the project, so I could not back down or compromise, at least not at the starting line.
The first (and hopefully last) point of compromise for this project was this piece. I missed my intended deadline, but promised to get Anne the music by 20th August no matter what. (This was necessary to allow her the proper amount of time to prepare but also to allow me to finish the rest of the pieces and get this site to where it needed to be before the concert.) Despite working as much as I could possibly manage, I was still well short of my intended five minutes of music on the 19th. The one bit of silver lining was the fact that I had finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel and had finally heard the shape of the whole in a meaningful way. Unfortunately, it spanned around eight minutes and was at a level of complexity that simply could not be pulled off in a day. I was heartbroken. To know what could, but will not (yet), be is a tough thing to come to terms with, even if, at the end of the day it’s just some dots on the page.
Despite the frustration, the show had to go on and the piece had to be finished. Having gotten to a relatively logical cadence point, I decided to simply cut my losses and round off the piece where it was. Though a compromise, it was one that I was willing to make at this juncture because I could do so without compromising the eight-minute vision (which would happen if I had decided to push ahead to five minutes by just ‘throwing ink at the page’). I told Anne about all of this and she agreed that it was the best call to make in the situation. Moreover she said the looked forward to playing the full piece whenever I finish it! Hearing that was a relief. As much as I hate disappointing myself, disappointing a player I respect as much as her is even worse.
One other justification for the aforementioned compromise was its relation to this project as a whole. Everything we’re writing about is really happening real time (though most of the blog posts are slightly delayed on account of my inability to compose and write and edit and post all at the same time) and the musicians and I really have to make tough calls to make this project and this concert happen. I hope it’s interesting to see this unfold. Furthermore, I hope that hearing something that I feel is incomplete as a complete piece will be interesting for you and will spark some interesting conversations, perhaps about how you feel the piece stands as is, perhaps about where you think it can go. For now, the possibilities are open.
C O N N E C T . THE . D O T S 